Tonight I learned that married daughters never, ever accompany their parents to wedding receptions without their husbands. This knowledge came at quite a cost.
The following account is true. As in not exaggerated. I know I sometimes do exaggerate. But tonight I am polishing my skills from journalism school and using only facts.
Tonight I accompanied my parents to a wedding reception. I did this because I like the bride. And because I received my very own invitation, as in separate from my parents, even though I know the bride because her dad knows my dad from back in the day. As in their high school days. This means that my dad saw a plethora of old friends from back in the day. And that is all the background you need.
Conversation #1, with the Happy Couple.
Me: Congratulations!
Bride, to Groom: This is Callie. Callie, Groom has cute younger brothers.
Groom: How old are you?
Me: 27
Groom, after slight pause: Oh. I am 27 too.
Me: Well, congratulations.
Conversation #2, with Random Relative of Bride, directly after conversation with Happy Couple.
Dad: This is my daughter, Callie
Random Relative: Oh, I have some sons.
Callie: How nice.
Random Relative: How old are you?
Callie: 27.
Random Relative: Well, I think my sons might be too young for you. Here's one. (Inviting 20-year-old son to join in the fun.)
Callie: Nice to meet you. (Note: I just accidentally typed "meat" you. Sums up my feelings well.)
Conversation #3, very near the exit, hindering our escape, with a Random Old Friend of my father and the Mother of the Bride.
Dad: Callie, this is my Random Old Friend.
Random Old Friend: Nice to meet you. I have sons!
Mother of the Bride: They are very attractive! Are they attached?
Random Old Friend: One of them is married. But one is not. How old are you?
Callie: I am 27.
Dad: Callie is in law school.
Mom: We have another daughter, too. She looks just like this one, only she is 22.
Husband of Random Old Friend: We will take the lawyer. Every man needs a lawyer.
I would like to note that throughout most of these encounters, my left hand remained firmly planted in my pocket. Which means that for all these people knew, I had a lovely diamond ring encircling my finger and a husband at home tending our triplets. Which would obviously explain me attending the reception with my parents ...
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"To understand just one life, you have to swallow the world." ~ Salman Rushdie, Midnight's Children
"To understand just one life, you have to swallow the world." ~ Salman Rushdie, Midnight's Children
Case In Quote ...
"The law has outgrown its primitive stage of formalism when the precise word was the sovereign talisman, and every slip was fatal."
~ Judge Cardozo, Wood v. Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon, 1917
~ Judge Cardozo, Wood v. Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon, 1917
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9 comments:
Hilarious. Reading your recount played out in my mind like an Office episode. Apparently there are quite a few Michael Scotts in the world.
Oh Callie - you are so funny. I love reading your blog!!! Hope you have a Happy New Year!
Hilarious. Another place I just found out is fodder for such comments, (literally like 4 about "I know a guy") is at a bridal shower for your sister in law.
Your account however is way better.:)
if only i could have been a fly on the wall. at what age do people forget what it is like to be young? and at what age do you no longer "get it"? too funny.
Splendid. I am fortunately always out of town when my friends get married, and my parents aren't fond of wedding receptions, but my family did attend the stake singles dinner (like for the older singles- divorced people and widows). An older woman in my stake saw me and wanted to set me up with her single son, but concluded I was too young. What a great service project for the fam. :) --Meg (posting under my sister's e-mail address)
at least you are extremely desirable to all kinds of people wanting to set you up!? And, even though your left hand was not visible - these people probably assumed they would have been invited to your wedding if you had one and therefore deduced that you are still single. They are smart people right? even if they are a bit well...blunt? outspoken? ridiculous? Sorry Cal, seems like a really funny night -wish i could have been there to laugh with u.
Ouch. This is also why I don't attend my parents ward. Besides the fact that I'm told my English degree will "all work out" once I'm married, they also like to ask if my dad can protect me from all my suitors.
No, no. It seems I do that well enough on my own. Thank you.
I can't believe this! How funny. Some people have no shame. I love the comment "we'll take the lawyer!"
This is why I went through a phase when I would only attend wedding receptions with a date! I want to write a book entitled, "How to survive family functions when you're single." Maybe the sequel will be "Catchy comebacks to remarks about being single." For example, when someone asks how a cute girl like you is still single, you say, "just lucky, I guess" or "I'm holding out for the Miss America pageant" or "I've got to give my mother something to live for."
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